Some Good Bash's

[jitspoe]

<Raptorx5> So I found a prepaid cellphone the other day at school.
<Raptorx5> Swear to god I did.
<Raptorx5> It had a small amount of airtime left.
<Raptorx5> And a excrementload of contacts.
<Raptorx5> I called "Mommy" and left a voicemail "Your child is dead" in a low toned whisper. And then I ran out of airtime.
<Osmodius> I love you

http://bash.org/?734616

<ren> I meddling hate jehovahs witnesses
<ren> I saw 2 men in black suits knocking on my door so I microwaved my hard drive :\

http://bash.org/?719721

<NerdyScientist7> Okay, I'm taking a survey, want to be in it?
<bigone> sure
<NerdyScientist7> Here's the question: How stupid are you?
<bigone> what do u mean
<NerdyScientist7> Thanks for your input.

http://bash.org/?722585

For KnacK:

<VFR8> Omg
<VFR8> I was driving home today and I saw the best license plate
<VFR8> 56K SRY

http://bash.org/?724962

[jitspoe]

<@ZoFreX> goddammit
<@ZoFreX> I forgot the definition of irony
<@ZoFreX> so I went to look it up on Wikipedia
<@ZoFreX> but Wikipedia is down
<@ZoFreX> AND I DON'T KNOW WHETHER THAT'S IRONIC OR NOT

http://bash.org/?709087

<@Hydro> so I'm trying to install this software, right?
<@Hydro> And my PC won't install it...
<@Hydro> I'm telling you, it's either my pc broke, or me being stupid.
<@Hydro> Has to be one of the three.

http://bash.org/?709214

kooooorlin: dude I meddling backed up into this car today!
lhendz: what the hell. how'd you do that?
kooooorlin: There was this meddling seagull in the parking lot at best buy like eating someones tire and I was watching it while backing up.
lhendz:.....
lhendz: what'd you do?
kooooorlin: waited for the person to come back, and when they did, they looked at their car, then at mine, and said "SOMEONE HIT OUR CARS!"

http://bash.org/?709974

[eMo]

Helrich: so i was at the diner this morning, and i was really hungry.
Helrich: i got a big plate of scrambled eggs and started eating them super fast
Helrich: when i stopped to breathe, half the plate was gone and i shouted DOMINATING!!!
Helrich: everyone in the diner stopped what they were doing and stared at me for along time until someone from across the room shouted HUMILIATION!!!
Helrich: I gotta stop playing Quake.

http://bash.org/?881388

<Ndi> i have a local lan at work
<Ndi> and it has a nat
<Ndi> and it nats to the net
<Ndi> and the net is at home
<Ndi> and I have a vpm that vpns over the net to the lan at work which is natted
<Ndi> and I have a VM here that has the ability to NAT into my real home lan
<Ndi> that can be output to the net
<Ndi> so I defined the NAT there
<Ndi> so then I have access to work
<Ndi> so the packet, you see, from 192.168.88.3 to 192.168.3.22 is output, and then gets routed to 192.168.88.2, then 88.1, then my IP, then to my gateway, then net, then the work gateway then to the VPN device, then to the local gateway, then to the target pc.
<Ndi> i wonder if I can get tech support for this.

http://bash.org/?880081

[blaa]

both were bad

[jitspoe]

<Delanushorse> Dude, I was eating a chocolate bar in my kitchen the other day,
when my mom walks in
<Delanushorse> I was like "it's like an orgasm in my mouth" and my mom says "oh, believe
me, you DON'T want to know what that tastes like".
<Delanushorse> I guess she realized what she said, because she walked out really quickly.
<Delanushorse>

http://bash.org/?705361

[jitspoe]

<RockWolf> one time my friend tried to kill himself by taking 30 advil.
<RockWolf> i was like dude...why take 30 advil when you can take 3 aleve? =D

http://bash.org/?699080

<anaemic> i like the word inflamable, because its like throwing a curveball at the foreigners in a very dangerous and potentially entertaining way

http://bash.org/?699245

<caddoo> why do you need condoms sent to you discreetly, you can get them in toilets, schools, chemists and they are all pretty discrete.
<EvilDr.X> I dunno, man. I had a friend who used a condom he found in a toilet, he got a really bad infection.

http://bash.org/?699258

<Hex77> I was in class today
<Hex77> and there was a black lady speaking about hospitality business
<Hex77> and she was like "hospitality business is all about selling people"
<Hex77> and I laughed
<Hex77> but nobody else did

http://bash.org/?700817

<Jarik_Tentsu> Gah, I just snorted while laughing.
<Jarik_Tentsu> And I have a cold.
<Jarik_Tentsu> Urgh, this is disgusting.
<Jarik_Tentsu> Luckily, it missed my girlfriend - they're hard to clean.
<Jarik_Tentsu> err...
<Jarik_Tentsu> *girlfriend = keyboard.
<Jarik_Tentsu> O_O

http://bash.org/?701542

<Shadow> what the intercourse
<Shadow> my moniter just went black
<Shadow> then came back on
<&Aphrodite> You're lucky
<&Aphrodite> I heard normally they never go back

http://bash.org/?702289