THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKING FOR A RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE, BUT THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:
Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you, because I was pissed.
I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother.
Roses are red, violets are blue,
Sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead,
The sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.
Of loving beauty you float with grace.
If only you could hide your face.
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot.
This describes everything you are not.
I want to feel your sweet embrace,
But don't take that paper bag off of your face.
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes.
darn, I'm good at telling lies!
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you really screwed up my life.
I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.
My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
My feelings for you no words can tell
Except for maybe "Go To Hell."
What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.
Gentle like the summer breeze in the forest,
certainly does not describe YOU Dolores.
Darling I can never leave you
You are standing on my shoe.
I'm excited, the bouquet you did catch it
Oh god where DID I put my hatchet?
For your love, my dear, I need a drug.
What pill will rid me of you slug?
