Things I Learned in Texas
Armadillos sleep in the middle of the road with all four feet in
the air.
There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Texas .
There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Texas,
plus a few no one has ever seen before.
Raccoons will test your melon crop, and let you know when they
are ripe.
If it grows, it will stick you. If it crawls, it will bite you!
Nothing will kill a mesquite tree...nothing.
There are valid reasons why some people put razor wire around their
house.
A tractor is NOT an all terrain vehicle. They do get stuck.
The wind blows at 90 mph from Oct 2 till June 25; then it stops
totally until October 2. (unless there's a hurricane)
Onced and twiced are words.
Coldbeer is one word and is pronounced "coalbare.
People actually grow and eat okra. (shut up, it's good)
Green grass DOES burn.
When you live in the country you don't have to buy a dog. City
people drop them off at your front gate in the middle of the night.
The sound of coyotes howling at night only sounds good for the
first few weeks.
When a buzzard sits on the fence and stares at you, it's time to
see a doctor. Buzzards are known as "Texas Turkeys"
Fixing to is one word and is pronounced "fittin-tah"
There ain't no such thing as "lunch". There is only breakfast,
dinner and then there's supper.
"Sweetened ice tea" is appropriate for all meals, and you start
drinking it when you are two. You also give it to babies for
colic..Just a tid-bit. (and it's called Sweettea, one word. Iced is presumed)
"Backwards and forwards" means I know everything about you...and actually
you pronounce it "backards" and "forads".
"Jeet?" is actually a phrase meaning, "Did you eat?"
You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what
time it is. You work until you're done, or it's too dark to see.
You measure distance in minutes or hours.
You can switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
Stores don't have bags. They have sacks.
You see cars with the engine running in the Wal-mart parking lot
with no one in them, no matter what time of the year. (cause they's
comin ratback)
All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit or a
vegetable. (not true, there's rattlesnake fest, mosquito fest, catfish fest,
crawfish fest, and so on. some yankee musta wrote this one)
You install security lights on your house and garage, and leave
both unlocked.
You carry jumper cables for your own car.
You know what "cow tipping" and "snipe hunting" are.
You only have four spices in your kitchen: Salt, Pepper,
Ketchup, and Tabasco .. (cause they's good on snipes)
You think everyone from north of Dallas has an accent.
The local papers cover national and international news on one
page, but require six pages to cover Friday night high school football.
The first day of deer season is a state holiday.
You find 100 degrees a "tad" warm.
The four seasons are: Almost summer, summer, still summer and
Christmas.
You know whether another Texan is from East, West, North, or
South Texas as soon as he opens his mouth.
Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past-time known as "goin
Wal-Martin" or "off to Wally-world"... (or Target, pronounced Tar-jay to
make it sound Franch)
You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good
chili-eatin' weather (and people light up the farplace)
A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola, or pop....It's a
Coke regardless of brand or flavor. (cause "pop" is yer daddy)
