Some Good Bash's

[IronFist]

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[Eiii]

Lolz.

[P!nk]

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[Eiii]

Rofl, jitspoe. The last one.

[MaDMaN]

lol!! i have never heard of bash, this is halarious.. my mom asked why i was laughing so hard.. and i told her b/c bill gates a pervert that intercourses his "floppy Drive".. ouch she hit me pretty darn hard

[jitspoe]

[Sativa] My sister earlier, got pulled over by a cop
[Sativa] He said 'Can I see your licence'
[Sativa] And she gave him her credit card on accident
[Sativa] And he is like 'I only accept cash'

http://bash.org/?620397

<Bonz> I saw a debate in the US Congress where the Coast Guard and others were saying it's impossible to smuggle nukes into the US. One of the Congressman asked, "What if they're smart enough to pack it in a bale of marijuana? We know you can't stop THAT."

http://bash.org/?623132

<predation> so I'm at work and this kid rings the bell on the counter RIGHT behind me
<predation> the kid goes "SORRY" when I turn around
<predation> kid's mom goes "sorry isn't an excuse when you do something stupid on purpose"
<predation> i'm putting it on a t-shirt

http://bash.org/?623457

<pixadel> Fine, Java MIGHT be a good example of what a programming language should be like. But Java applications are good examples of what applications SHOULDN'T be like.

http://bash.org/?624194
So true... except for the first part.

<Nickster> Time for me to make some breakfast!
<Nickster> Is anyone from England? I have a question.
<Speck> Im from England and if your asking about english muffins Ill kick you.
<Nickster> nvm then.

http://bash.org/?624209

<Jaques> What if there was a Resident Evil game in France?
<sands> it'd be boring as excrement
<sands> all the zombies would run away

http://bash.org/?625311

<Dave123> So I there’s this virgin girl  I know, she is Inconceivable
<Turtleman> no she's unbearable
<NINJAmes> no you idiots, she's Impregnable

http://bash.org/?625882

<Handy> There are 2 kinds of people in the world.
<Handy> 1. Those who need closure.
<Marko> And?
<DavyP> AND?

http://bash.org/?626249

ShamanMumboJumbo: Dude, I hate AIM Triton but I had to get it because all my friends have it and I can't share files otherwise
ViewtifulDom: Peer2Peer Pressure?

http://bash.org/?626676

<Cobra> so i was watching a pr0n
<Thunder> wait
<Thunder> why u guys always say pr0n instead of porn ??
Thunder has been kicked by Guardian (No porn on this channel !)
<Cobra> ...
<Cobra> so i was watching a pr0n

http://bash.org/?627168

[Eiii]

<walt> So I play Tony Hawk Pro Skater all the time right
<walt> And I'm thinking
<walt> That's so awesome, I should learn how to skate!
<walt> So one of my sister's friends left her skateboard here, and I started to detective around on it
<walt> Long story short, I fell over and broke my wrist
<walt> Now I can't play Tony Hawk.
<norl> lol stupid donkey

TheItch: Dude, funniest thing ever!
TheItch: I walk into the bathroom at work, walk up to a urinal, and get ready to... you know.
TheItch: From one of the stalls, I hear a low rumble, which escalates to a groan, and then to a roar.
TheItch: What follows can only be described as the most vile and putrid sounds of human excretion in history. This man apparently pooped out his intestines.
TheItch: Moments later, I hear from the same stall, "Oh god! Someone CALL AN AMBULANCE!"
TheItch: Now, this is an executive restroom at a private bank, and the door has a number lock on it, so it's not some kid trying to be funny. And the man sounded genuinely distressed.
TreesSneezing: lmao! What did you do?
TheItch: Suppressed my laughter as best as I could, zipped up and got the hell out of there.

<comwalk> Remember, here in the U.S.A, we have reached a new age.
<comwalk> NOBODY is responsible for their own actions.
<comwalk> Remember that.
<comwalk> Holy excrement! I killed somebody! Bob made me do it!
<comwalk> Bob: Joe made me do it!
<comwalk> Joe: I blame the media!
<comwalk> Media: Videogames.
<comwalk> Videogames: Personal responsibility?
<comwalk> Personal Responsibility: <AFK>

QB: My brother went to see the Globetrotters last night...
QB: <spoilers>Globetrotters won!</spoilers>
Come: ARG
Come: I HAD THAT ON TAPE

* Bishi (~somebody@newt-news.com) has joined #zgeek-tech
<Bishi> op, op-me-do
<Bishi> you know, I'd op you
<Bishi> I'll always be true
<Bishi> so ple-e-e-ease...
<Bishi> op me do
<Bishi> </beatles>
* Rickfemale dog sets mode: +o Bishi

<joshua_> C ECE DBRY AOT URP YDAY TCBE RU YRPYGP.!
<joshua_> BRYDCBI CO ,RPYDF RU YDAY TCBE UR YRPYGP.!
<joshua_> AaAAAAAAAAAAAAAACC.............................!
<joshua_> AND intercourse YOU TOO MR. DVORAK

(I could translate that )

<RandalCalrissian> Who wrote an essay entitled 'Advice to a Young Man on choosing a Mistress'?
<Jeegoo> Cassanova
<RandalCalrissian> Here's your 1st hint, B___am__ ____k___
<Jeegoo> no idea
<Randal> dr seus
<Jeegoo> hee
<Zwuh> Al Gore
<RandalCalrissian> Here's your 2nd hint, _en_a_in _r_n__i_
<RandalCalrissian> Here's your 3rd hint, B_njami_ Fra__lin
<Zwuh> Benjamin Frankin
<Jeegoo> Benjamn franklin
<Randal> benjamin frankls
<Randal> oop
<Randal> s
<Zwuh> haha
<RandalCalrissian> Time's up! The answer was: Benjamin Franklin
<Zwuh> way to spell, team!

<MMB> !8ball AM I THE HOTTEST GUY IN HERE
<ChanServ> MMB: No.
<MMB> !8ball do you know who is?
<ChanServ> MMB: Sure. Yeah. Exactly.
<Yardbomb> !8 It's me isn't it?
<ChanServ> Yardbomb: Sure. Yeah. Exactly.
<Ant-> !8 you said that out of pity didn't you?
<ChanServ> Ant-: Yes.

<fahd> stop making fun of my religion.  islam isn't funyn, it's serious
<fahd> now shutup, i have to study for calculus
<Hat> Fahd, is Allah good at calculus?
<fahd>
<Hat> Yeah, I guess not.  He's only good at bomb mak.... I mean chemistry.

<ViRuS[afk]> you guys ever get that feeling while youre having a piss, and you think "if I was asleep right now, and this was a dream, I'd be wetting myself", and think you might be dreaming and freak out?
<ViRuS[afk]> cmon nobody has ever had that feeling?
<ViRuS[afk]> jesus christ I just made a detective of myself, didnt I? :

http://bash.org/?153841 <-Long! And, sexual content. Like that's new...

<ColonelCoroner> darn, my girlfriend just meddling confused herself in trying to use the calculator on her cell.  Stupid female dog.
<Piro-nuts> ...dude, what did you expect from the peroxide-bleached blonde?
<ColonelCoroner> I dun intercoursein know.  She CALLED me on her cell, to ask how to USE the calculator on her cell.
<Piro-nuts> I think women are INNATELY stupid, that's the only reason to explain it.
<ColonelCoroner> Dude, with all this cloning and genome excrement going around, there's gotta be a time when women will contain intelligent DNA.
<Piro-nuts> Yah, but like, 90% of them spit it out...

kdone.

[jitspoe]

I didn't get the Globetrotters one.

[Eiii]

Jits, we need some new smilies in here. So I can express my dissappointment. In you.

...using smilies.

[jitspoe]

<b3nz0rz>: A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, "Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" I said "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too".

http://bash.org/?628411

<TSPhoenix> You're so lame that you can encode mp3s.

http://bash.org/?628582

Laudanum: I think my ability to communicate has gone downhill.
kaltegeburt: I don't understand.

http://bash.org/?629711

[Eiii]

This thread should be renamed "The best of the Latest button"

Yeah, moving on.

<Chcherrycola>Oh excrement I'm intercoursed
<Chcherrycola>I hid my weed in my PSP carrying case. So I get up to go get some and I can't find it anywhere, then I realise my little brother must have taken it with him on the plane to Florida with my family... O_O

<WarMoose> Think about how stupid the average person is. Now realize that half of them are dumber than that.
<Chunda> Why half?

<Coma.> I'm drawing a pony for my friend
<Coma.> Except I can't draw so basicly I am drawing a horse only making it look small.
<Coma.> Because a pony is basicly just a little horse.
<Fish> wtf?  No they aren't!
<Fish> That's like saying a midget's a person!!

<Towzzer> hey ufo
<ufo8mydog> hey ugly
<Towzzer> that's not my nick
<ufo8mydog> sorry, i'm a faceperson, not a nameperson
<Towzzer> ouch

bananza: i feel bad for ugly people
rotino: empathyy
bananza: yeah
bananza: like a lot
rotino: look up empathy
bananza: oh intercourse u

<DooMGoaT> OMG
<DooMGoaT> SQUASH THE SPIDER AND WIN AN XBOX 360!
<DooMGoaT> shame none of the 360 games are as good as the spider squashy banner

Ziggy: Everytime I hear a strange noise, I have a zombie panic attack.
Lusty: what is it with you and zombies?!
Ziggy: Are you not afraid of zombies?
Lusty: they don't exist.
Ziggy: That's what they think in movies too.
Ziggy: Right before the invasion.

<meeb> what the intercourse
<meeb> highly religious client just rang up
<meeb> wants us to automatically take their website down at sunset on a friday until sunrise on a monday
<meeb> as using an online shop is bad and evil over the sabbath

* Qwyxzl growls at his connection
* Furion sees his virus is working.
* Qwyxzl gets out his Furion voodoo doll
* Furion Quit (Ping timeout)
<Elessa> whoa!

^ Everyone upvote that.

And on that note, it's "The best of the Random button" time!

<maddox> You know what I hate?  Programs that pretend like they're sentient beings.  Ftp daemons are the worst.. you type "bye" and it responds: "221 bye bye".. or your login fails and you execute a command, it says "log in first, then I might let you do that."  Yeah?  Well echo "intercourse you" > /usr/bin/ftp
<professor> hahaha.
<maddox> "bzip2: I won't write compressed data to a terminal."
<maddox> no, "you" won't write anything because you can't.  You're a piece of excrement binary written by a lonely programmer who has seen 2001 too many meddling times.

<Foobar> hah the FBI is probably monitoring us
<Foobar> BOMB BUILDINGS PLANES BOMBS HIJACK HIJACK BOMBS OSAMA BIN LADEN TERRORIST
*** Foobar has quit IRC (Read error: Connection reset by peer)

<Jaayy> I like my coffee the way I like my members of a socially disadvantaged class.
<Naive-EOC> Dead?
<Derid-EOC> In the Field?
<Ball-licker> In jail?
<Humur> Killing each other?
<Naive-EOC> Stealing?
<Sailym> Covered in blood?
<Humur> 5$ a piece?
<Derid-EOC> Stupid?
<Jaayy> ...
<Jaayy> BLACK YOU meddling RACIST BASTARDS!  I LIKE MY COFFEE BLACK!

<@GameBot> 186. Why is the sky blue?
<Anima-> prism
<@GameBot> Here's a hint: The colour wavel***** ** **** ** ******* **** *** ***** *******
<Anima->
<Anima-> haha
<infinitySPZ> ..........
<Serimestari> yyyyyeah.......
<infinitySPZ> This is why some questions shouldn't get into trivia

-plot· then i masterbated
-plot·
+chimney· we didn't need to know that last part
-plot· but you wanted to know
+chimney· oh yes, i just LOVE knowing when EVERY ONE has recently masturbated
+chimney· it's my top priority, i made a mysql database just to keep track
-plot· dude
-plot· thats sick

S'All.

[jitspoe]

<jimmy_> i use norton
<BoltBait> Norton's is the most annoying anti virus software ever!
<jimmy_> what do you meen? i hardly notice notice its there
<BoltBait> Really? Then it's probably not working.
<jimmy_> ...
<jimmy_> u may be right
<jimmy_> the tray icon isnt there anymore
<jimmy_> excrement!

http://bash.org/?631051

Banjax: dude, totally hilarious, I'm walking down the street and around the corner I see these people protesting outside a coat shop that sells fur coats. They had buckets of red paint
TurboJesusDELUXE: oh boy
Banjax: this one woman comes around the other corner wearing a fur coat of her own. The whole crowd turns on her like wolves on a lamb, and the closest girl with a bucket of paint throws it on her
Banjax: so she's dripping with paint and starts screaming like she's been shot, and then she's like "it's a fake fur coat, you dumb female dog!"
Banjax: and without missing a beat the other chick says "that's okay, it's fake blood"
TurboJesusDELUXE: HAHA, awesome

http://bash.org/?631753

<who> i can't watch brokeback mountain for the same reason i can't watch horror movies
<who> i would scream "HE'S RIGHT BEHIND YOU!!!" in the middle of the theater

http://bash.org/?631937

monetcopy: girls are like nun chucks
monetcopy: they are awesome!
monetcopy: but when u mess up it hurts
monetcopy: ...alot

http://bash.org/?632841

And now for the randoms:

<ihatestan> god I hate my little brother
<ihatestan> its my mothers birthday and I got her a Amethyst necklace
<ihatestan> than out of no where my brother goes "mom has +3 strengh"

http://bash.org/?71442

<EvilDygel> There's not much else I want to do with this until Adam rebuilds the Domino server.
<Foobar> did he knock it over?

http://bash.org/?82094

<PyroP> My sister has freinds over. They're banging the piano.
<piman> PyroP, Uh...
<aer> I see..
<PyroP> ^banging^banging on

http://bash.org/?7111

<Peter> Can I help you John?
<HuH> just call me father penis
<Peter> In that case, call me Lorena Bobbit.
* Peter sets mode: +b *!*Da@*.ath.bellsouth.net
* HuH was kicked by Peter (Bye!)

http://bash.org/?44867

<Rayn> if you had to pick between a compaq and a dell, what would you take?
<Draco> death

http://bash.org/?279100

* Quits: FuTar0 (Quit: and /part were sitting in a tree and /part fell off, who was left?)

http://bash.org/?394892

<J-Dawg> no, I just refuse to turn on my heat after my $255 heating bill
<WeirdAl> 1 dollar more and you'd need another bit

http://bash.org/?616101

[jitspoe]

<mmiikkee12> XD, i just got the best spam message ever
<mmiikkee12> "Make $$$ Fast"
<mmiikkee12> "Hold down your shift and 4 keys at the same time. In about a second you will be making $$$ fast."

http://bash.org/?636447

<KittieRose> So I get this email from this girl.
<KittieRose> "I made out with a chick and got mono..."
<KittieRose> I email her back.
<KittieRose> "If you'd have made out with two chicks, would you have gotten stereo?"

http://bash.org/?636215

<Harkila> i've always wondered what "holy excrement" actually is
<Harkila> my strongest mental image is about the pope taking a crap
<bleak-> a radiant turd with a halo
<Rancid-> like, xbox?

http://bash.org/?635683

<BenS> Matt, have you heard about that webserver that's running off a potatoe for power ... just displays a text smiley face and takes like 15 seconds to load?
<Omnica> Brings new meaning to the term "server farm"
<BenS> You should be shot.

http://bash.org/?635493

<+kostya> what means "+" befor my nick?
<@chopra> kostya: it means someone made a mistake

http://bash.org/?137079

<badaboom> who can help me ? i'm french and i don't know irc
<Paladine> can't help you with the being french part, you are screwed their mate

http://bash.org/?199336

[Excalibur]

oh man i love these things. but i dont understand the first one. oh well

[jitspoe]

Try holding down your shift key and hitting 4.

[KnacK]

#43804 +(125)- [X]

<Rossell1> you know I was walking down the street yesterday and it was dark
<Rossell1> and I though to myself
<Rossell1> "Have to turn up the gamma"
<Overlord> someone needs a life
<CitizenErazed> but that's because you're stupid.
<Rossell1> true

[KnacK]

<epx> Some hacker is trying to hack into my computer for the last couple of days. Norton firewall blocked the hacker everytime. I know it is from the same person because the same IP address (192.168.1.100) keeps poping up. How do I locate his location using his IP address? What can else can I do?



#188680 +(1164)- [X]

tigeraid: another baby?
tigeraid: jesus christ lady it's a vagina, not a clown car



#565246 +(633)- [X]

<snow> hurricanes are like women
<snow> when they come, they're wet and wild, and when they leave they take your house and car.



#572480 +(654)- [X]

<DoomDemon> I have good news and bad news.
<DoomDemon> The good news is that I had some really great sex with my wife last night.
<DoomDemon> And she even screamed "Oh John!" during orgasm.
<PhylumDeviant> isnt ur name dave?
<DoomDemon> Yeah, that's the bad news...

[Excalibur]

ohh ok jits it sounded like just hold down shift and 4 keys lke asdf or any comp of 4 keys.

[jitspoe]

Hmm, you got it confiused with the forkies?

[lekky]