Some Good Bash's

[Eiii]

Oh god, jits.

On a side note, you really need to start drawing crazy sketches of members. Lest you die.

[Playah]

hahah those bashs are hilarious.

[jitspoe]

eiii: You mean like this?

[Eiii]

Yeah, continue those.

[jitspoe]

<selene|metro> and i thought that i saw you looting
<selene|metro> i thought that i saw you gate friends here
<selene|metro> thats me in the dungeon
<selene|metro> thats me in the twilight, losing my connection

http://bash.org/?636765

<aamP> i named my two goldfish 1 and 2
<aamP> because if 1 died i still had 2

http://bash.org/?637552

<Asher_Dorn> somebody suggested that the offical name for our merry straight alliance should be "All You Need Is Love"
<Asher_Dorn> i had to tell him the acronym is AYNIL

http://bash.org/?637722

<trent> Dude, did I leave my platinum cube at your house?
<44lark> Nope, I was in the basement today and didnt see it
<trent> excrement, I dont know where I left it then
<44lark> ya, hope you find it, im gonna go play Super Smash Brothers
<trent> ok

http://bash.org/?638691

* @darklyndsea claws bizarre's eyes out
<@Bizarre> (

http://bash.org/?639555

dazed: yeah my mom caught my brother jacking off to Powerpuff Girls
dazed: she didnt yell at him because she was laughing so hard
dazed: she just told everyone at his birthday party the next day
BaileD: You have the most intercoursed up family ever. Period.

http://bash.org/?640259

<Dilbert> my dad owns a company "Incestors inc."
<Dilbert> investors*
<Dilbert> i meant

http://bash.org/?55034

[jitspoe]

<Onyxus>: Have you ever been pwned by a 4 year old?  I have, and so has my son.
<Onyxus>: 1.) I was riding in the car with my family and my daughter (as I have taught her) randomly said "I pwned a noob!" Being a proud father I reached back and said "Gimme five" to which she promptly responded "No you're the noob!"
<Onyxus>: 2.) Just today me and the missus were sitting in the living room watching TV while the kids were on the porch playing in their tiny little swimming pool. My son ran up to the back door and was yelling something unintelligible at it, when my daughter ran up behind him and dumped a cup full of water over his head...multiple times. He ran off, most likely to cry in a corner somewhere, and she looked at me through the door and yelled "I pwned a noob Daddy!"
<Onyxus>: Words can not describe the pride I feel in how I've brought up my daughter...

http://bash.org/?641942

<Rose> ahaha...I remember this one time at a tattoo parlour
<Rose> and this girl wanted a tattoo on her lower back
<Rose> and she told the artist "yeah, I want something symbolic"
<Rose> so I wrote "Exit only" in chinese

http://bash.org/?642504

<Warfle> So get this.
<Warfle> I'm getting my car inspected and theres this girl in line ahead of me.
<Warfle> Pushing her car.
<Warfle> "I don't think she's going to pass inspection"

http://bash.org/?643852

<kasierlord55> hi guyz how r u all doin???
<Blarrrg> Dear kasiserlord55,
<Blarrrg> Please stop raping me.
<Blarrrg> Love,
<Blarrrg> The English Language.

http://bash.org/?644205

Drahmen: I unbutton your blouse and start to massage your brest.
Higgs23: I moan and start to undo your pants.
Drahmen: Wait a minute...This is the wrong window.
Higgs23: I noticed.
Drahmen: WTF dude?
Higgs23: I felt like playing along.

http://bash.org/?644329

Pep Boy Manny02: I was a little disappointed yesterday.
Pep Boy Manny02: Got "Religion for Dummies" from the library.
Pep Boy Manny02: You know how the "...For Dummies" books usually have the bomb icon for, "Don't do this!"?
Pep Boy Manny02: This one didn't.

http://bash.org/?644782

<Blabber> i just started working out, to get me some muscle and feel confident
<Blabber> so after the first time, i come home and look at myself in the mirror
<Blabber> to see if there is already improvement
<Blabber> my mom steps in and says "you look good enough to play in a warmovie"
<Blabber> so she boosts my confidence and i say thx! like a sergeant you mean?
<Blabber> and i swear to god then she says: no like a concentration camp victim
<Blabber> she left the room laughing her ass off...

http://bash.org/?644835

<Ashley`> thats the first example of sex with a birdhouse ive ever seen
<[Rabite]> second here
<[Rabite]> but definately the funnier of the two

http://bash.org/?646418

creativeembassy: you know what's really, REALLY cool about the dvorak keyboard?
glotigerglo: what
creativeembassy: when you're playing hangman, all you gotta do is hit everysingle key on the home row, and you automatically kick your opponent's ass

http://bash.org/?647279

<HorseC> parrots are like children... you spend 2-3 years teaching them to talk, then the rest of your life wishing you never did.

http://bash.org/?647694

MorningQueen: Why are you against abortion?
MassHypnosisJoe: I'm just against women making choices

http://bash.org/?648305

<Demon Beaver> So, at the LAN-party, there was a new guy.
<Demon Beaver> And when he went for a drink, we snuck up to his pc, and created a folder called Horse-Porn on the desktop.
<Demon Beaver> Then we took a screenshot, put it as his wallpaper, and deleted the folder.
<Demon Beaver> He tried to get rid of that folder for 3 hours! ^^

http://bash.org/?648801

<Shaft> i was just reading a news headline and i thought it said "double amputee conquers everquest" and i was like whoa
<Shaft> but is said everest
<Shaft> which is far less impressive

http://bash.org/?650283

<bill> neo is spending all his time fixing his new van
<Kevin> If its new, why does it need fixing?
<bill> Kevin: heh, if you asked that question about software, it would sound completely idiotic

http://bash.org/?650907

<pengrate> Because, contrary to Window's opinion, searching the internet for ethernet drivers does not go over so well

http://bash.org/?651010

[TinMan]

<Random> I wanna do a cpu stress test
<Valaris> please to install norton antivirus
<Valaris> aol
<Valaris> and windows

http://bash.org/?651404

[Eiii]

(mistersandman) aw pee
(mistersandman) they require you to register it on the internet
(X_Stickman) well with your 100% perfectly legal copy i'm sure you have no objections
(mistersandman) oh of course not i just.. dont have an internet connection

[jitspoe]

mysteryparabola3 : at work today, my boss and another guy were talking about their status on the computer
mysteryparabola3 : and my boss say "oh crap, i'm Amber"  and the other guy says "yeah, i used to be Amber"
mysteryparabola3 : and i said "yeah, before the operation"
mysteryparabola3 : he just stared at me

http://bash.org/?652817

<reva> so I was babysitting my cousin's kid the other day.  who's like, 15 months old.
<reva> he was trying to get up on the computer chair, so i put him up there.
<reva> he just starts randomly banging on the keyboard randomly
<reva> and the first thing that pops up says "Are you sure you want to delete Internet Explorer?" 
<reva> I hit "no" (because it's my parents computer).
<reva> so he starts hitting more keys...
<reva> the next thing that comes up: "Are you sure you want to delete Outlook Express?"
<reva> ...I've never had more hope for humanity than that moment.

http://bash.org/?653828

D1v1d3 8y Z3r0: i got owned by my bio TA earlier in the year
D1v1d3 8y Z3r0: she was like "So, what are some possible effects from mutated genes?"
D1v1d3 8y Z3r0: i said "Well, it could cause different coding of proteins, or it could cause you to develop special powers, like retractable claws from your hands"
D1v1d3 8y Z3r0: the TA was like, "Wrong.  Those claws are government implants.  Wolverine's mutant power is his healing ability."

http://bash.org/?654170

<blazemore> my brother is in a quake3 clan
<blazemore> and he had a ctf game tonight
<blazemore> we were walking out of tilt
<blazemore> his friend goes "dude hurry up, you're gonna be late for you clan meeting"
<blazemore> and these black guys were walking by
<blazemore> and looked like they were about to kick our asses

http://bash.org/?654603

Charmaine----: I'm a 26 year old single mom ;-)
Kolobos Psychi: Holy crap! a black women IMed me! @_@
Charmaine----: How did you know I was black?

http://bash.org/?654608

<sh4ve> hehe, i wrote a assembly proggy to convert normal numbers to roman ^^
<GodOfGoats> You are so MCCCXXXVII

http://bash.org/?654674

<Heiler> I feel stupid asking this, but how many pints are in a cup?
<Swinky> it depends on how big the cup is
<Heiler> Thanks, suddenly I don't feel so stupid.

http://bash.org/?655055

[bug]

Imagine my surprise at finding this on the random bash page:

* jitspoe feels fembot... fuzzy
* Fembot shaved
<jitspoe> not there you didn't

http://bash.org/?18486

[jitspoe]

< alx> wow irc feels like television right now
< alx> 75 channels and not a thing worth watching

http://bash.org/?664028

SpUnGe14: I should name my nuts Trinidad and Tobago
skater067: or
skater067: the virgin islands
SpUnGe14: Ouch

http://bash.org/?663524

<DjK> well, I noticed that the noise my kid makes when he gets into a tantrum at the shops wanting chocolate is EXACTLY the same noise he makes when I accidentally cut off the top of his finger when he's helping me prepare the carrots.
<Rovie> ...
<DjK> and they say I'm a bad parent - but I notice these little things!

http://bash.org/?664122

<Claes> hey
<Claes> I was just thinking...
<Claes> If someone sent you 10 cd's and a note saying: 9 of these cd's contain porn. The last one fries your computer.
<Claes> what would you do?
* Claes Quit (Ping timeout)

http://bash.org/?662153

[Eiii]

...DON'T LET THIS THREAD DIE!

<@kiafaldorius> is it just me or is it cool that 1337 (string) converted to hex becomes 31333337?

<Pedlya> So I got this really big usb drive, and me and my dad are trying to put excrement on it.
*Simpe has entered #cancelled
<Pedlya> my dad said its too big, and I guess it was
<Pedlya> so my mom comes in and is trying to push it in...it still didnt go in
<Pedlya> my brother uses his and it fits fine, so we just use his
* Simpe has quit IRC (I dont want to know dude... )

TTim2627: i try to restrain from illegal activities on sundays
igcatastrophe:really? I don't. i figure, gods resting, get him in his blindspot
TTim2627: africa?

<BigMac> Omg, My dad’s just died suddenly in hospital…
<BigMac> I’m gonna go see his corpse in the morgue…
<Pleston> I doubt that.
<BigMac> What?
<Pleston> Well, firstly, any person would go see their father BEFORE mourning to us about it.
<Pleaston> Secondly, I remember your other father dying about two weeks ago, on another chat.
** BigMac has quit (quit: be quiet)
<Pleaston> Thought so

omg its zack wtf: my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests

<LenaWarrior> Does Australia float around or is it stuck there
<KoreaPro> Are you serious?

<+Zeraliten> intercourse!! That cat needs to die a horrible death. He's chewed through the wires on my $120 headset
<@CCFreak2K> Zeraliten, electrical tape can take care of that.
<Teqonix> What, killing the cat, or fixing the headphones?

<Merrick178> OMFG
<Merrick178> My Mom just called and I sound like my dad
<Merrick178> She said "Is that you?" I said "Yea" She said "Im glad you answered cause boy am I horny!"
<Merrick178> AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
<Merrick178> WTF
<Merrick178> IM GONNA GO STAB MYSELF IN THE HEAD NOW

<overkill_78> So this chick came over today.
<overkill_78> We talked for hours.
<overkill_78> Then she went to go take a piss.
<overkill_78> I busted in on her while she was pissing, and she got mad at me.
<overkill_78> So I trapped her in my room and set my room on fire.
<overkill_78>  booger is dead now.
<camdaman86> How are you not in jail?
<overkill_78> It was in The Sims.

<Cerebus> being bi-polar must suck
<Kender> well yes and no

liz: you know if love was measured in kb's ...it would take HOURS for me to upload my love for you.
mikey: *taps your forehead* that's because of your small upstream bandwidth dear.
mikey: <3
liz: hahahhahahhahahhaha
liz: god i love it when you talk dorky to me
mikey: also, i seem to be dropping syn packets.
mikey: i suspect a collision somewhere on your train of thought.
liz: ping www.loveformikey.com
mikey: host not found :-(

[Excalibur]

man i love bash.org

[jitspoe]

Meh, I didn't laugh at any of them from this last batch, but the 1337 one was kind of cool.

[Eiii]

 
^Looks a little too shocked.

[KnacK]

#43949 +(314)- [X]

<_absent> I wish j00 could modify chicks like you can do to pc's all plug and play and excrement
<_absent> if she talks to much
<_absent> pull out her sound card
<APE_> heh
<UzzaGangsta> nah man
<UzzaGangsta> have a control panel
<UzzaGangsta> mute the complaint and talkative channels
<_absent> j00 could upgrade her tits
<APE_> install linux on her and customize away
<ShadowofBob> and change her appearence =)
<UzzaGangsta> overclock her sex drive O_O
<_absent> she could playback mp3's too
<UzzaGangsta> ja
<APE_> and rip dvds on the fly
<ShadowofBob> you'd probably add ports and drives to her
<UzzaGangsta> heh shes already got the port im interested in O_O
<_absent> women really should conform to standard pc architecture
<_absent> it'd own
<ibor132> yeah it would

[TinMan]

I like them 64-bit Dual-Core girls.

[jitspoe]

I don't.  Split personalities, plus they can think faster than me.

[jitspoe]

<Argentius> I fell asleep again in class today...
<Darkersun> that sucks man, what did the teacher do?
<Argentius> I am the  teacher >.<

kixor: well, how are you going to get around the north american ip ban?
Kovia: duh, last i checked i live in texas
Kovia: and texas is south america
Kovia: way to go, idiot

That one's for KnacK, since he lives in south america.

<WeirdBeard> well my dad is icelandic, my mother is cuban
<WeirdBeard> i'm an icecube

<sigafoo> i realized i loved my girlfriend when i said to her
<sigafoo> <3
<sigafoo> and she said "<3.14159265" back...

<JonTG> Man, my penis is so big if I laid it out on a keyboard it'd go all the way from A to Z
<JonTG> wait, excrement

[Spook]

LMFAO
A to Z made me laugh so hard