Some Good Bash's

[jitspoe]

<fugi> a friend of mine just got a dog from a vietnamese family today, I suggested he name it Chewy.
<b0rked> why?
<fugi> why else would vietnamese get rid of a dog?

http://bash.org/?701063

<coolbreze> heres a better qustion; what is the qucikest way to set up and FTP Server?
<SpeedEvil> coolbreze: post your root password in a warez group.

http://bash.org/?701644

<Mithandir> it's interesting how much you can tell about the designers of a product by looking at the end result
<Mithandir> for instance I can clearly tell that whomever thought it was a good idea to have "exit program" and "suspend computer" buttons on a keyboard didn't have cats

http://bash.org/?702568

On a related note, I don't think the person who invented the keyboard had cats, either.

<sd> I was once trying to explain to an exec why his account would never be absolutely secure.
<sd> Me: "If somebody wants your account information badly enough, he's going to get it. He doesn't have to hack the system, he can just get it from you."
<sd> Exec: "That's crazy, I'd never give anyone my password."
<sd> Me: "Imagine you come home and find someone's broken in. He's got a gun to your daughter's head, and he tells you he's going to shoot in ten seconds if you don't give him your password. What would you do?"
<sd> Exec: [long pause] ... Which daughter?
<sd> To this day I still don't know if he was joking. But I no longer use that example.

http://bash.org/?703138

<zealo> I need sleep....
<zealo> I went to take a crap and took off my shirt instead of my pants
<zealo> I actually sat down before i realised what was wrong

http://bash.org/?703708

[P!nk]

Post removed

[jitspoe]

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=2145433

Bash.org illustrated!

I added a couple illustrations, hehe.

[jitspoe]

It's been a while.

<@J^raxis> Some people have some weird fetishes. Which is fine. Then they take photos of them, which is not.

http://bash.org/?822316

<Cyan> Some dude tried to break in last night at like 2am, but I was on the comp and it's like right beside the window so I heard the bundle of twigs.
<Cyan> Anyways, I grabbed the folding chair and as soon as he was like halfway through I beat the meddling excrement out of him.
<Cyan> So he's laying here unconscious and I call the cops. Once they get here, they search him and look at what he meddling had:
<Cyan> 8 track tape (unlabeled), Flashlight (no batteries), Half eaten box of Fig Newtons, Measuring tape, Instructions to "Monopoly."
<dan> Dude, you meddling killed McGuyver!

http://bash.org/?823214

<MrAnthrope> Uhg. My graphics card keeps crashing.
<knoeki> you obviously have a drunk driver

http://bash.org/?811062

[ic3y]

<Oasis> brb
<passi> ok
<Oasis> re
<passi> wb
<Oasis> thx
<passi> np
<Oasis> cs?
<passi> ip?
<spanky> ihr spinnt doch
 

http://www.german-bash.org/11488

<Sodaya> gib ma rechte im channel give me rights in chan
<shin> nö no
<Sodaya> why?
<shin> weil du oestereicher bist because you are an Austrian
<shin> den letzten oesterreicher den wir op gegeben haben hat uns in den totalen krieg gefuehrt the last austrian we gave op took us in the totally war

http://www.german-bash.org/20198

<Telefonmann> meine tochter neulich im zoo in der arktisabteilung: guck mal papi - da sind linuxe mine daughter recently in zoo in the Arctic Part - look dad - there are linuxe

http://www.german-bash.org/44483


I tried to translate it

[jitspoe]

<Belial`> you still cant say anything with certainty though
<Belial`> since the bible has like, a meddling black hole between jesus being a kid and his preaching days
<Catoptromancy> Phase 1, birth
<Catoptromancy> Phase 2,
<Catoptromancy> Phase 3, Prophet

http://bash.org/?789185

[Zorchenhimer]

Declan: I dunno...I love her, but this new years is going to be uber depressing
grencez: her friends are much lamer than both of you combined
Declan: The thought of her getting high at a party where everyone is drunk while I sit at home and code Perl or something is kind of too much to bear
CyanFlux: maybe try coding something in c

[Eiii]

Why has bash not updated in FOREVER? Did I miss something?

[Zorchenhimer]

Wasn't it down for a while?

[eMo]

yeah server problems or something

[jitspoe]

Slimtoad20: US Airways flight 404 is flying through the Bermuda Triangle today.
Slimtoad20: Yeah, that one doesn't stand a chance.

http://bash.org/?797153

<+Scott> I had my dreams crushed yesterday. It turns out the newspaper headline "Village still looking for paedophile" wasn't a vacancy.

http://bash.org/?797984

<stratouk> ATI cards are like buses...
<stratouk> They're huge, red and have bad drivers.

http://bash.org/?778259

<@HEMI> I got in a car accident on the way home from work.
<@HEMI> I rear-ended someone.
<@HEMI> Guy gets out of his car; I get out of mine. He's a dwarf.
<@HEMI> We're sitting there waiting for the police to arrive and he goes, "I'm not happy."
<@HEMI> I said, "so which one are you?"

http://bash.org/?775869

<Jay> Did you hear about the Linux-car finishing last in the indy500?
<MrBeek> I did now ;-)
<MrBeek> Not surprised though... You know how impossible it is to find a decent driver for linux hardware?

http://bash.org/?768078

[jitspoe]

<@Longcat> Could a blue screen of death constitute being defenestrated?
<Edible> Thrown out of Windo-
<Edible> ...
* Edible goes to cry.

http://bash.org/?756448

<SaxxonPike> excrement
<SaxxonPike> I turned in a paper today
<SaxxonPike> and just now realized the title said "American Herpes"
<SaxxonPike> instead of "American Heroes"
<SaxxonPike> intercourse

http://bash.org/?756642

<CtrlAltDestroy> Here is my impression of Wikipedia.
<CtrlAltDestroy> "There are five fingers on the human hand [citation needed]"

http://bash.org/?757724

[vLaD]

we have Benjamin franklin  on the hundred dollar bill we got Abe Lincoln on the penny obama becomes president and they will put that guy on a food stamp!!

[jitspoe]

PwNzAgE33: ok so in assembly language we learned that processes in the cpu get set priority levelsPwNzAgE33: 0-7, 7 being the highest priority
PwNzAgE33: this is the example the book gives
PwNzAgE33: "For example, a computer's payroll program may run overnight, and at PL0. It has all night to finish - not terribly urgent. A program that corrects for a nuclear power plant current surge may run at PL6. We are perfectly happy to let the payroll wait while the nuclear power correction keeps us from being blown to bits."
PwNzAgE33: this begs two questions
PwNzAgE33: first
PwNzAgE33: who in the hell is running payroll and a nuclear power surge correction on the same machine
PwNzAgE33: and second, if nuclear power surge correction gets PL6, what on God's green earth gets a meddling PL7?

http://bash.org/?749986

<Nomenumbra> 1 bottle of beer on the wall, 1 bottle of beer, you take 1 down, pass it around, 0 bottles of beer on the wall.
<Nomenumbra> 0 bottles of beer on the wall, 0 bottles of beer, you take 1 down, pass it around, 4294967295 bottles of beer on the wall.

http://bash.org/?753599

[Zorchenhimer]

<Betty> So, wanna go see a movie tomorrow
<Sokol> NO! I toled you, i haev a girlfriend!!!
<Betty> I AM YOUR GIRLFRIEND YOU STONED F**K!!!

[blaa]

<marius_#acknak> Prosecutors, quoted by the Associated Press and Reuters, also said the man was carrying a CD-ROM in his baggage that contained a training programme for fighters wanting to wage "holy war."
<marius_#acknak> I wonder if this training program is based on the quake engine.

[jitspoe]

rintin: so I fried my dads motherboard today
rintin: apparently I wasn't grounded...
rintin: now I am

http://bash.org/?743927

[Zorchenhimer]

cakey: Can you build websites with firefox?
imarock: can you build cars with roads?

[jitspoe]

Zorch: That one's not really funny since I used to make websites with Netscape back in the day.

<Analogy> The Voyager 1 spacecraft has travelled approximately 2.5 billion miles since the announcement of Duke Nukem Forever

http://bash.org/?736374

<WaterBomb> did anyone get intercoursed by the ice storm?
<WaterBomb> I'm in west vagina
<WaterBomb> we only got 6 inches
<WaterBomb> but that 6 inches plus the ice has been a pain in the ass
<WaterBomb> er, I live in west virginia

http://bash.org/?737137

<BigKahuna>so my son came home from school early
<BigKahuna>terrified look on his face
<BigKahuna>handed me two pieces of paper
<BigKahuna>one says he's been suspended for two weeks
<BigKahuna>the other is a bill for $850 for removing a mechanical bull from a swimming pool
<lhging|brb>HAHAHAHAHA
<BigKahuna>half of me knows i should punish him, but the other half just wants to say "my god i love my kids"

http://bash.org/?737488

[KI3S]

t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right
BlackAdder> i believe i speak for all of us when i say...
BlackAdder> WRONG BTICH
BlackAdder> IM SICK OF YOU
BlackAdder> AND YOUR LAME STORIES
BlackAdder> NOBODY  HERE THINKS YOURE FUNNY
BlackAdder> NOBODY HERE WANTS TO HEAR YOUR STORIES
BlackAdder> IN FACT
BlackAdder> IF YOU DIED RIGHT NOW
BlackAdder> I  DON"T THINK NOBODY WOULD CARE
BlackAdder> SO WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT cigarette
*** t0rbad sets mode: +b BlackAdder*!*@*.*
*** BlackAdder has been kicked my t0rbad ( )
t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right
CRCError> right
heartless> Right.
r3v> right


hahhahhaha










<T-Wolf> man, my girlfriend left me for some bundle of twigs named robert
<RdAwG20> you don't live in Hope mills do you?
<T-Wolf> ya, why man?
<RdAwG20> lol, just wondering, was her namne alisson?
<T-Wolf> you mother intercourser