It was only about a month ago that my greatest fear while playing paintball became a reality. Fortunately for me, the assailant was far enough away that the paintballs were traveling slow enough to bounce when they hit. I also had a nice pair of baggy pants that had saved me from getting eliminated a few times in the past. By the time testicular contact was achieved, the ball velocity was greatly reduced, but still sufficient enough to take note of. Between the shock, pain, and falling back for cover, I nearly ended up flat on my face, but I was still in action for a while longer (until somebody finally clipped my giant tank). I was also lucky that the majority of the impact force was directed between both of my fertilization producers.
This weekend, though, I wasn't so lucky. I was on the front lines of a mounds course with my loveable Trracer pump trying to get into a position to grenade the enemy hill. We had taken out most of the resistance, but there was still one person on the mound directly in front of us. I had moved up to closer, yet more vulnerable, position, because I felt we had him pinned down pretty well. Then I saw somebody pop up on the left side taking shots at our left flank, so I changed my stance ever so slightly to take a shot at him, in so doing exposing God's most precious gifts to the person directly in front of us, who just so happened to choose that moment to peek out and fire a couple shots, one of which landed square on my left testicle.
As I hobbled off of the field, my friend asked, "Where'd you get hit?"
"Guess."
"You're walking kind of funny. You get shot in the butt?"
"No. I wasn't that lucky."
More than a day later, I'm still feeling the effects. I can't sit down too quickly or walk with my legs too close together. I think it might be time for me to invest in a cup.
