Clan Rust(TM) Press Release **UPDATED/BREAKING NEWS**

[Gibb]

Clan Rust is back, with attitude for the millenium!

Yes, You read correctly.

Clan Rust is back, with attitude for the millenium!


Clan Rust is back, with attitude for the new millenium and we want YOU!



Yes sir, or mam, or Herron.. We want you to join our clan... We will be holding public tryouts next week and expect only serious dedicated winners to apply.  To give you some background on Clan Rust.. We were established in August of 1998 and have been called the most winngingest and successful clan to ever play DP.  We have quite a lengthy resume of things to make your genitals tingle..

We are:
       
 -A clan full of established Mappers.
     - GoldBond: He made Pforest, Thop, and Sandtrap (which later inspired such maps as Arctic, all arctic knockoffs,and Crates. He has been blamed for the demise of Digital Paintball.

    - Shreds:  He has made some maps you have probably never played, but you should check out on your own time.(But you dont have to because its not like you will see them on a server)

    - Gibb:  He made the map with the stuff.. and you know.. You've played it once or twice probably.


 -We created and ran the DPL (Digital Paintball League) for one successful season.  The members here at Rust want to stress that we had NOTHING to do with DPL 2 or any other upcoming DPL League.  It has been said certain members of Clan Rust(TM) handed over rights of the DPL to one PRO-TEE knowing that the upcoming DPL season would be a horrendous flop.  We would like to take the time here to DENY these accusations.  We here at Clan Rust(TM) are hurt by this, and would like to say this is NOT TRUE.  PRO-TEE killed all that was pure and innocent. He is fully responsible for the death of the DPL.


 -We have held many successful tournaments, and need YOUR help to create many many more.
    -LMST Tournament: Accusations that one Mr. Gibb Master gave up on running the tournament after he was eliminated are FALSE.  It is the fault of the DP Community for being immature, and eliminating Gibb Master from the tournament.

    -Q2: Kick:  We have succesfuly brought this mod back roughly 36 times over the past 5 years.  Not many people know this, but not only did Clan Rust(TM) create Q2:Kick, but it was inspired by a real life  game of Soccer between the Clan.  This "modified" game consisted of hammers, nail guns, ply wood, and saws.  Some say we were building a rocket to take us away from this god forsaken planet, but it was soccer my friend. Soccer.
     
 -We have created many popular mods such as SubQuake and Hostile Forces (For Quake3).. You can buy these addons at any local software store.  Or you can PayPal us money, that will possibly be used to buy drugs that fuel our creative genius.

 -We have allowed the same person to join our clan 3 (Three) different times under 3 (Three) different names.  But who hasnt had Jeremi, HyperBurn, Frogboy, and MadDog in their clan at one point in time?

When Shreds, Leader of Clan Rust(TM), was asked by one reporter, "What else has Rust done?" He dove head first into the Clan Rust(TM) archives and came back weeks later greasy, unshaven, and pants soiled.  When asked what he found, he only said these 9 words:

<Shreds> we did tons of s h i t


So as you can see, our record of 174 - 15 speaks for itself.. We ,of course, only do 4vs4 matches and only play teams that ping higher than us... We also get to pick all three maps. 

Please attend our Clan tryouts and attempt to be a part of Digital Paintball history.

Thank you for your time and please remember...

CLAN RUST(TM) HAS RETURNED, WITH ATTITUDE FOR THE MILENIUM!

*Clan Rust (TM) is only accepting young boys between the ages of 10 and 14

[jitspoe]

*Clan Rust (TM) is only accepting young boys between the ages of 10 and 14

Young boys?  You're lucky if you can find many gamers that old.

[Donk]

So, what you're saying is, if I join Clan Rust, I too can play on the same battle field as the glorious and ever-vigilant Pro-Tee (makes the sign of the cross)?

 Oh and also, you son of a sexually promiscuous person, don't forget to mention the 14 times that "I" brought back Q2Kick.


And also Gibb, Ricki Lake proved it, DNA tests show that there is a 99.9% likelihood that you are the father of my baby.

P.S. Sorry Mfornal, we can keep trying until the paternity tests turns up showing you.. I know how much you love that baby.

[Gibb]

** Automated Clan Rust(TM) Reply **

Donk:

Thank you for showing interest in our clan.  We are looking forward to your tryout!  There is a little problem though in regards to your application.  Certain words such as "Pro-Tee, canadian, Ricki Lake, and Mfornal" have shown up and we frown upon all of these.

For Clarification:
1.  Pro-Tee sucks.
2.  Canadians are dirty.
3.  Ricki Lake is ass, Jenny Jones is the only one with reliable DNA testing.
4.  Mfornal is behind the site www.keithandmike.net

Notice how we mislabeled his web address in order to save many children from that evil evil place.

Thanks Again!

Clan Rust

[Anrkist]

They forgot to mention f00kc !

[Darkphyre]

Clan Rust also frowns upon the mentioning of "f00kc".

[GeNie]

you're having tryouts now?!
There go my chances of ever getting back into the clan

[Gibb]

Clan Rust (TM) Reply:

Genie:

It is nice to see you are still alive and Goating it up.  We will need someone to run our European headquarters and keep international relations peaceful.  We will need another copy of your resume though.  

Clan Rust

[Dirty_Taco]

Post removed

[Gibb]

February 26th, 2006:

 

Headline:

When you hear the term “washed up” – Don’t think about fat whales dying on sandy beaches, think about us.

Clan Rust comes back to compete in tournament.

(New York Times)

 

Three years ago, the prestigious video game team “Clan Rust” declared they were back on the scene like more or less, sex machines.  With a new attitude and completely rested from years of down time, Public Relations manager Gibb F. Master made a press release stating the comeback of all comebacks was on the horizon.

 

Little did Rust know, and to the complete disappointment of the entire DP community, that no such thing was ever going to occur.  Tempted by fame, money, and other cliché things among the like, the creative minds at Rust were approached by Hollywood agents.  Yes, Hollywood agents.  Having created many successful games and mods in the past, they felt that tapping into our busting brains would produce a for sure hit.

 

Rust spent the next three years writing a script based on their experiences together stemming all the way back from 1998.  Focusing mainly on one summer vacation that took place in Wyoming, a story depicting the closeness of not just a gaming clan, but a family is touching hearts around the world as we speak.

 

Elder member Gold C. Bond was asked as to why he thought Hollywood approached them to write this script.  In an exclusive interview he answered, “Well they knew we were into DP, but I think there was a miscommunication as to what those two letters stood for.  I don’t think they realized that the DP stood for “Digital Paintball” and when they saw our first script there was a lot of confusion.  They explained to us what kind of “DP” they were  looking for, and a drastic lifestyle change was made for the entire team.”  Gold paused, “Well, some of the members, like Herron, caught on pretty quickly as if they had done it before.”

 

When Herron was asked how he was able to become so comfortable with “DP” after an extended hiatus, he said, ”It’s just like riding a bike AND a horse.  Or maybe some type of Horse/Bike hybrid.  1.) You never forget how to do it and 2.) If you fall off, you just have climb back on and keep on riding.” Then he winked.

 

Due to Hollywood being, well…Hollywood, some changes to the story had to be made.  Cowboys were to portray the Rust clan, but their actions during the movie are said to be spot on extremely accurate.  Rust’s latest autobiography, Brokeback Mountain, is receiving a plethora of praise and Oscar buzz, but it is time to focus on their next challenge.

 

The PBCup.


(For more information about Clan Rust, their website is:  http://ucsub.colorado.edu/~berthiau/rust.htm