Some Good Bash's

[jitspoe]

Some randoms:

<zathras> This game of rhymes is eating at my brain, I beg of thee, sir, for the love of god, refrain!
<Deliphos> I cannot! In my blood it doth runneth! Hush thee now, lest I cap with my gunneth!

<Yukanojo> Man, dyn.optonline.net just took a massive excrement
<SPOONprez> Yukanojo: too much fiber in the network?

<Jinxed> [N] Cannot join channel #vagina (Invite only)
<Kreegle> story of your life eh Jinxed?

<raven> Any cat people here? I've got a problem with Nicky...
<Leth> I've been known to be handy with a wok
<Lore> Why, I'm a cat person.
<raven> I took Morgan to the vet yesterday - he was gone for a total of 45 minutes, got two vaccs and a blood draw.
<raven> Brought him home and Nicky went BALLISTIC.
<raven> Spent the rest of the night yowling and hissing and attacking MOrgan.
<CrazyClimber> nicky smells the hospital smells on morgan
<Lore> Yeah, I've seen that happen.
<raven> Is there anything I can do to get the hospital stink off him, then? Pack his carrier in coffe grounds or something?
<tieboy> how about a bath
<CrazyClimber> just give it a day or so
<Lore> We tried catnip and butter, and neither worked.
<agent_orange> butter?
<agent_orange> you buttered your cat?
<Lore> Yes.
<raven> it's the best way to butter the house.
<raven> Cats are effective butter delivery units.
<Lore> We read somewhere to put butter on a cat's forehead.
<agent_orange> did the emolient facilitate insertion?
<Lore> And the other cat licks it off, and likes the first cat, because it tastes like butter.
<Lore> As I said, it didn't work.
<agent_orange> you read sopmewhere to put butter on the cats foreWHAT THE intercourse WERE YOU THINKING
<tieboy> rub the two cats together vigorously until they smell like each other
<agent_orange> piss on them both at the same time
<tieboy> KITTY TASTES LIKE BUTTER
<raven> It's more fun to put tape on their feet.
<agent_orange> why not do both
<agent_orange> and then get out the handycam
<Lore> I believe what I was thinking was "Maybe it will work. And even if it doesn't, I get to butter the cat's forehead."
<agent_orange> AFHV would *love* some footage of sticky-pawed, freshly buttered cats trying in vain to avoid a stream of steaming miller lite
<Samwise> You know what helps with feuding cats, Lore? Sending me lots of cash.
<agent_orange> now, see, I read somewhere --
<agent_orange> I think it was leviticus
<agent_orange> -- that what you should do is frost them
<agent_orange> betty crocker, right out of the can
<raven> Chocolate or buttercream?
<Leth> rave: go chocolate, buttercreme isn't pareve
<CrazyClimber> you're frosting meat?
<agent_orange> and then there'a always Cat Wellington
<agent_orange> "What are you doing in the kitchen, dear?" "Just buttering the cat, pumpkin!"
<agent_orange> "Why don't you baste the chicken while you're at it, too, dear?" "Baste the ... *light bulb* ...Sure! Sure, I'll 'baste the chicken'!"
<CrazyClimber> a google images search for "buttered cat" returns a picture of isaac hayes
<agent_orange> chocolate salty cat balls

[TinMan]

NEDM can make butter on a cat cool.

[Eiii]

Rofl at that last one.

[Spook]

laughed through the whole thing

[Smokey]

lmfao thats great

[jitspoe]

<Lapsus> Okay, I get an error beep, anyone want to help me decipher it?
<Lapsus> it's just regular, long beeps.
<Lapsus> beeeeeeep. beeeeeeeep...
<Fox> its merrydar. it must be picking up on a local source

<kam`> you know... i used to have a crush on you
<Katie> Oh? and what did you learn?
<kam`> i have very low standards

itchy92: Aha! I figured out why all the 1337 hackers in movies use Linux.
theNihil: Um, because it's mysterious and unknown to mainstream movie viewers?
itchy92: No, man. It generates so much output so easily.
itchy92: Need a scrolling console window to make it look like you're doing something? Type any nonsensical word with a verbose switch and BAM! you've got scrolling text for like 3 hours. So it seems like you're engaging in some hardcore NSA decrypting when in fact, you're compiling ksolitaire or something.

<Jesus> The guy does not understand the concept of the "Shift" key
<Noser> the what key/

Dev100666: I bet in 1997 you would not have guessed you would be getting married before duke nukem forever came out

<kan> the nigerian government has orderd 1,000,000 of those "100 dollar laptops" for its people.
<kan> just what we need more nigerians sending email.

<Swiich> remember how I went to the hospital on tuesday?
<Swiich> I screwed up my liver from chugging an entire bottle of cough syrup to trip
<_nosiop> without reading the label for other active ingredients or checking what they do online?
<Swiich> um...
<Swiich> yeah
<_nosiop> 15 minutes of research could have saved you 15% liver function or more

<svinx> yknow when you go to a party, and everyones hooked up except one guy and one girl
<svinx> and so they look at each other like.. do we have to?
<svinx> intel & nvidia must be lookin at each other like that right now

Jefferson: FOR SOME REASON MY PASSWORD ON HOTMAIL WON WORK
Mymuffinfatty: do you have caps lock on?
Jefferson: oh
Jefferson: nevermind.

Ben174: intercoursein paypal.. they need new databases or something.. seems like every other day i get an email and have to go update my account information.

<roddyboy> man it sucks...
<roddyboy> phone got stolen tonight
<drjazz> call someone who cares
<drjazz> oh wait

[Spook]

third from last and last were the best

[jitspoe]

Code: [Select]

<Ranbert> someone shoot me please....
<tele>   o                              \O_ Arrgh!!
<tele>  <\==-   -   - -   -  -  - --- __/
<tele>  / \                             \

http://bash.org/?682409

<%spock1104> lmao, some poor bastard in florida had his house burn down thanks to a dell
<+Toba> I would make a joke about needing a firewall on his home box
<+Toba> but that's just too low

http://bash.org/?683143

[KnacK]

#684045 +(1475)- [X]

<Numi> I was having trouble getting screen dumps in unix so I went into #unix and said
<Numi> "Does anyone know how to do a screen dump in unix?"
<Numi> 5 minutes and no reply, so I modify it a bit
<Numi> "Two hot girls are stripping on webcam for me, how do i take a picture to show you guys?"
<Numi> 13 offers of assistance within 2 minutes. Brilliant.

[jitspoe]

<pmcall221> I'm wondering when Windows will work they they say it will.
<Kittyflipping> You're criticizing millions of lines of code and you can't even get one sentence right?

http://bash.org/?685939

actualism: if you bet an emo kid 20 bucks that he won't kill himself, you'll either be 20 bucks richer or break even

http://bash.org/?686305

9mm: I suppose Steve Irwin should have worn sunblock to protect from harmful rays.

http://bash.org/?687224

Chico: i would never consider her at all
Chico: shes like 100% emo
Chico: to the bone
QueenRen24: aww, but emo kids are so cut
QueenRen24: e

http://bash.org/?689328

<BiG_D> Every girl who has ever been attracted to me is a vegetarian!
<BiG_D> Try to explain that!
<WolfLord> you have no meat
<WolfLord> hehe
<BiG_D> hmmm
<BiG_D> intercourse
<BiG_D> I did not see that coming
<BiG_D> Last time I tell that story!

http://bash.org/?696554

[Excalibur]

here you go jit

Code: [Select]

* jitspoe had forgotten how time consuming modeling is
<spdif> keep your clothes on jit. no matter how much money they offer you
http://bash.org/?107288

[Smokey]

(talking about a guy that worked at the world trade center)
<@PowrSlave> this poor intercourse is getting divorced cuz of 9/11
<@PowrSlave> lol
<@PowrSlave> his wife filed
<@PowrSlave> he didnt go into work that morning and went to his mistresses' house instead
<@PowrSlave> had his phone off
<nonzeRo> haha
<nonzeRo> lucky guy
<@PowrSlave> he turned it on at around 11:00 and his wife was like "OMFG ARE YOU OKAY WHERE ARE YOUR?"
<@PowrSlave> hes like "im at the office honey. whats the matter?"
<@PowrSlave> lol

[Spook]

lmfao.........

[jitspoe]

<Pongball> what's the most interesting thing that happened to you yesterday?
<Pongball> anyone!
<Arrow> Nothing yesterday
<The_Epitome> errrm
<Arrow> Well, I did get Sim Tower working yesterday
<The_Epitome> it rained extremely heavily
<The_Epitome> so I wore my ski jacket for the first time in months
<Arrow> As for today
<Arrow> I am 40 minutes from having all 601 aired episodes of Power Rangers.  =/
<Crablouse> any time I feel concerned about the direction my life is going
<Crablouse> I merely have to look in here
<Crablouse> and I feel better almost instantly
<Crablouse> good work everyone

http://bash.org/?698184

<@wzpr> #000000 official irc channel of the NAACP

http://bash.org/?698219

<RockWolf> one time my friend tried to kill himself by taking 30 advil.
<RockWolf> i was like dude...why take 30 advil when you can take 3 aleve? =D

http://bash.org/?699080

<Hex77> I was in class today
<Hex77> and there was a black lady speaking about hospitality business
<Hex77> and she was like "hospitality business is all about selling people"
<Hex77> and I laughed
<Hex77> but nobody else did

http://bash.org/?700817

[Smokey]

<ckx> women ask for it
<ckx> they act all old and mature
<ckx> and then you stick your sock up their ass
<ckx> and they get all boogery
<ckx> "I"M ONLY 13, I'M ONLY 13!!!"

http://bash.org/?24

<Sonique> you know you've just experienced an odd moment at 3:30am when you're completely naked making an away msg for aim and your dad (clothed only in breifs) strolls by, waves, and says, "i thought i smelled something. oh well, night!", and walks off

http://bash.org/?55

lmfao

[jitspoe]

To quote Smokey, "old".  I never did see what was funny about that "only 13" quote, either.

[Excalibur]

i agree with jit both of those are old. and the 13 one is stupid to me.

[Smokey]

i find it funny

lmao.

[jitspoe]

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=2145433

Bash.org illustrated!

[bug]

Oh man, those are so funny. Thanks for posting.